Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Unsolicited Advice: Use Dreft for Everything. EVERYTHING.

When I was thinking about starting up this blog, one of the first "columns" of sorts that came to mind was one where I'd give unsolicited advice. Not the kind about how to parent your kid or anything like that, because lord knows there are enough people with opinions out there who will start hollering at you the second they see you with a baby. To those people I would like to say: SHUT IT. Every mom and every dad—with the exception of 90% of reality TV stars—knows what's best for their own children, thank you very much.

What kind of advice am I going to dole out then? The kind I wish someone had given me. The totally random kind. The kind that tells you how Dreft is made by magical elves and/or wizards who've come up with a way for you to turn back the clock on junior's poo- and spit-up-covered onesie. Spray said onesie with some Dreft stain-treater, throw it in the wash with Dreft detergent, and voila! It's like new once again.

See that A and A blankie in there?
Let's do this.
I don't know what it is about baby, um, by-products, but dammit if they don't ruin everything. One day I am going to do a post about the set-up I have when I feed Baba G, and you are going to die laughing at my TEN THOUSAND BLANKETS I have covering every square inch of my bedroom. Why do I go to such ridiculous lengths? Because the one time I didn't, BG threw up all over and it of course leaked onto our mattress and one of my nice pillowcases, and then when I used my normal stain remover on it, it didn't work and now I'm bitter.

But what DOES work? Dreft. After The Bed Incident I started using Dreft on my own clothes that were decimated by Baba G's many types of leaks. My skin will break out if the wind blows on it the wrong way, so I was really paranoid about using a new detergent (I've used Era since I can remember), but lo and behold, I've had no reactions to it.

As I tend to do, I proceeded to go overboard and buy every single product that Dreft makes. ALL OF THE DREFT. That's what I bought.

Why are they only marketing this stuff to parents of newborns? IT IS THE BEST.
Got that one. And that one. And that one . . .
You laugh at me now, but just wait until your fancy duvet cover or the sweater you love or the pants you just bought or some other thing you'd like to use/wear again gets covered in nasty baby goo. Then you will be running to your closest grocery store and crying because they're out of Dreft (this actually happened to me—curse you, CVS!) and wishing you'd stocked up like I told you to.

1 comment:

  1. You are so funny about the Dreft addiction!! I wonder if it is as good as Grandma's love for Ivory Snow back in the day. That is what she always used. Hmmm.